was i always such an unhappy person? let yourself sink in to the mat, she says feel yourself come into the room, she says being consumed by misery has become necessary in my life. i press my forehead against the mat, the smell of pilling peeling, cracking plastic slicked with my sweat, hot and sweet, my arms should be in front of me spread forward, in front or at my sides but instead the stretch in my hips doesn't burn enough i twist my fingers into my hair and i tug.